Mr. Toohey

an excerpt from the fictional diary of Mr.Toohey. A diary I would love to get my hands on..

“……but I can whet and I can be the nice guy. A feeble attempt won’t hurt. It won’t change the course of things. I can still claim to have tried. But he doesn’t agree with me. He always contradicts. Even his silence reflects disagreement. Disagreement. How? That is dangerous. And there’s something about him that disconcerts. Something similar to her. Now she has to be kept mollified. She has to be respected because there’s a lot I can get done through her. But I don’t like the influence he has. The way he manages to get her point across and considered. Even though I’m considered smarter, better, more talented and knowledgeable…..

Who the hell is he anyways!?? Where has he come from? And how dare he prove a challenge to my authority? I need my slaves to be mine. An influence of someone who does not follow me is unthinkable. He must go… But how? How do I get my slave out from his orbit?…




So a quarter of the new year is almost over. What do you have to say for the last three months? Nothing.

Nothing? Yes, nothing.

Not nothing surely? Well, no. A new team, new responsibilities and new excitement. Premchand and Jaipur Literature Festival.

Then why are you saying ‘Nothing’? Coz I feel empty about it all. It doesn’t come to memory when I think about it.

Why are you so keen to see the glass half-empty? I am not.

You are. I am NOT. My New Year’s resolution collapsed within two weeks and the rest of the months have been a haze of trying to make that resolution work again.

How will it work? Only some tough decisions will help.

Make them then. No.

Why not? No courage.

Look around then. HAHAHAHA.

Fortune favours the bold, you know? Don’t remind me.


“Let’s clean my room, get those summer clothes out. Probably, something will spark then”

6 Months. 6 Points.

I completed 6 months at Google today. Like my mom had predicted, they went by in a flash and I didn’t even realize it. Scary to think your whole life could be like that and you would be left with nothing at the end of it. Except for some money and a whole lot of rubbish blogposts.

But, my whole life is not over and I am certainly holding a few things with me. So what did the last 6 months show me?

1. Throw yourself whole-heartedly into whatever you are doing/ wherever you are going. Hesitation can only bring regrets. I am not advocating impulsiveness or rashness. Just that, don’t hold back or try to deny the inevitable. And learn to enjoy the present instead of worrying about the future or cribbing about the past. If I had joined on the date I was initially supposed to, I would have had the ‘awesome fun’ at Hyderabad that is stuff of Google legend. No regrets, but if I had been more open then …

2. I will always seek out those who can teach me something, even if it how to write meeting minutes. I will always seek out those who I can gape at in wonder and positively adore. Or they will happen to me. Either way, touchwood!

Perfection, diligence, a sense of responsibility will always warm my heart and endear me to people. I shall continue to be pleasantly surprised and impressed by people working systematically, by people with a strong work ethic and by people who will have all the fun in the world while sticking to deadlines 🙂

3. London is a city perfectly suited to me. It is organized and has a crisp, businesslike pace to it. It is made for the people who like to be independent, with maps at strategic distances, an awesome public transport system and a compactness to the city which makes all travel seem comfortable. I will go back there again, someday. For sure. And I actually like travelling, exploring new places and soaking in the culture. And I resolve to travel more.

4. Some things happen briefly and last a lifetime. Like my first ever team in my first ever job. UK iDSO will always be missed. It also taught me that not everything will last, most things will be over in the blink of an eye. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that they happened, that you have memories and relationships to carry forward fromt that, which will enrich your life in the future.

5. I need to feel free. I have always known this but 6 months of working have made me realize how central this is to my life, my happiness and if I may be extreme, to my sanity. I cannot feel stifled, interrogated or constantly watched over. I need my space, privacy and freedom.

6. It’s easy to be the #1 company in the absence of electronic cards that monitor when you come and go from office. When the only guiding line to all privileges and freedoms is ‘Be Reasonable’. When nothing is banned, everything is left to the judgement of the individual making it a workplace for respectable adults, not a hostel for school-children. When your employees walk into office with the anticipation of something new happening.  When ‘Secret Santa’ is allowed to be more important than work during Christmas. When food is free and unlimited and in abundance. When you get a special company edition phone for Christmas.

Celebration is good. Celebration is excellent. Google re-affirmed my belief that small things done to mark occasions can go a long way in just make days brighter. They don’t take much effort but they show that people care, and that they are thinking about you. From the lavish Diwali and christmas celebrations to the tri-color balloons on the eve of Republic Day to the spooky cafe decorations for Friday the 13th, every festival, every occasion has just been so much happier and jolly.

I am sure learning how to make a good company. And that its always, always in the details. And that being perfect or the best doesn’t take much time. it only takes a little bit of thought and effort. That’s doable, isn’t it?

Lastly, care a little less! 🙂

Bievenue 2012*

*the French effect is due to the fact that I spent all morning at work perusing through my Paris photographs.

I wonder why I have made ‘This is not a .. ’ line a signature style. Not that I write it much, but it is the first thing to spring to my head whenever I write anything. So this time, I am not going to define. I had the best, craziest New Year’s bash in a long, long time. It was an amazing start to the New Year and has left me completely content and happy.

2011 was a lot of things. 2011 began with reminding me what it felt like to work really hard, have sleepless nights, be passionate to the point of obsession about something and then, do it spectacularly well. It was a feeling I had forgotten somewhere in the drift of college and growing up. It made me sleep well at night. That feeling was important and I have a feeling, the memory of how that felt will define how I do a lot of things this year. 2011 was the year of graduating, the most terrifying transition in life. It left me confused and disillusioned. And rather unhappy. 2011 has also been the year of drift, of confusion, of moments of hopelessness. 2011 was the year when I saw how difficult relationships can be and that you have to see the effort people put into them before deciding whether you doing enough or not. 2011 was a year of random fears and randomer feelings. 2011 was the year of my first foreign trip and the desire to fly all around the world. 2011 was the year of joining Google and realizing how quickly people can move from being colleagues to friends and that I don’t necessarily have to be wary of the big, bad world. There are plenty of good people in there and I will find them. 2011 was the year of many moments of ecstasy at the idea that the most fantastic things can happen to you, that the most ridiculous dreams can come true, if you have faith and hang in there.

I hope 2011 has made me a stronger, wiser person. i hope it has made me believe in looking at the bright side of things and putting things into perspective. I hope it has taught me to have patience and accept what I cannot change and to constantly ask myself – what would I do if I was not afraid? I hope I have learnt all that 2011 had to teach and I will not make those mistakes, making myself and those who love me unhappy.

2011 was a lot of things. I want 2012 to be more. And I know it will all have to come from myself. I want 2012 to give me answers. I want resolutions and new beginnings. I want to learn more about the world and its workings, look beyond my cozy space. At the same time, I want to find myself [No, I have not ‘lost’ myself, that’s impossible to do] I want to have answers to any personal questions I may be asked [rudely or not] I want to spend more time with people I love. And those who love me. I want to travel randomly, take off suddenly and fly away. I also want 48 hours in a day. I want to bring my focus back to my life and what I would do with it if I were completely alone. I want to love more deeply, live more freely, not fear heartbreak and care a little less.

I want 2012 to be awesome. And not just because the world is going to end.


That’s not original. It’s a hashtag from Twitter. But that isn’t the point. Nor does it matter. This is not a post that will chronicle Steve Jobs’ history or products and those writers at and the NewYorker can just write a much better profile than I can.

I just want to thank Steve Jobs for the difference he made to my life. It’s been a series of long conversations and child-like excitement over Steve Jobs and Apple products that I have shared with Ritwik. I have been labelled an ‘Apple fan-girl’ and seen many rolling eyes because of my loyalty to Apple and alleged craziness over the products. And yes, I dream of having an Apple house someday. It doesn’t matter. People thinking I am crazy or rolling their eyes or calling me a spoilt brat because I insist on Apple and my very indulgent father doesn’t say no. Because you have to use the products to see that they are what you need. And they change your life.

The Stanford Commencement Address, the Mac ad dedicated to all the crazy people who changed the world and various pieces of the many, many inspirational things Jobs said are floating around Twitter and Facebook today, like they should, We have lost a genius, a man who is irreplaceable and honestly, I don’t know if a prodigy exists.

Steve Jobs came into my life with Ritwik’s iPhone 3GS followed by my own iPhone 3G. I fell in love with the device. I loved how Jobs wanted to make it idiot-proof and did. I loved how it came with no manual because Jobs had made it such that your intuition would be your manual. You would need nothing else. That’s when my love affair with Apple began and Steve Jobs’ ideas became a guide for troubled times.

Steve Jobs taught me :

– Simplicity is the hardest thing to achieve. It takes a hell lot of experience and a transcendental knowledge of what you are out to create. It is also, the most important. It is what will separate the ‘incomparable’ from the best. Look at the design of everything that Apple makes. It takes genius to strip a product of everything that seems superfluous while ensuring that the user yearns for nothing.

– Do what makes you happy and keeps you interested. It will never be wasted. A random calligraphy class taken in college tied up to making the perfect personal computer. Every single detail will be important. It will all tie up. Even reading old emails will be useful, someday.

– Obsession is a pre-requisite to perfection and greatness. You have to be consumed with what you are doing. You cannot ‘have a life’. Your job has to BE your life. That’s not a sad way to live, it’s the best. It’s awesome, it’s thrilling and I have goosebumps just writing about such a life. Check out the ‘Careers’ column on the Apple site – This isn’t your cushy corporate nine-to-fiver. Fortunately. That’s what Apple is, its employees’ life. I don’t think Jobs believed in a work-life balance. I don’t think he understood it.

– Perfection is important. Every single detail counts. It’s only when everything is perfect will you get the satisfaction of a job well-done and a lasting, glowing pride in your creation.  So no matter how much two-hour long arguments in the middle of exams over the font of the Premchand publicity poster irritated me, they were important. They are the reason why I am so proud of the end result. And why it still occupies a place of pride in my room.

– Treat your work like you would treat a lover. Don’t settle till you find the right job. When you find it, you will know.

– Like he said in the Stanford Commencement Address

“Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life”

Trust that every time things go wrong. many years later, you will be glad they did. They will have churned some interesting surprises that may not have been there had they gone ‘right’. Keep the positive spirit going.

I have loved Steve Jobs’ arrogance. It makes me smile to think of a man who was confident enough to believe that it was not the job of the consumer to know what he wants. He snubbed everyone who believe that being a micro-manager and control-freak would be detrimental for business. He showed us that since most people do not have the mental capacity to think out of the box, their opinions are not important, and thus, democracy only works in politics, it at all.

Anyone reading this already knows all of this. But like I said, I just wanted to thank Steve Jobs for being such an inspiration and for reminding me that I am right, during times of confusion and self-doubt. I love iProducts. And Jobs, rest in peace, if it’s possible for you to do that.

Posted from my MacBook 🙂

House Hunting

I am moving. I am making a new home on the web. I love WordPress. It’s clean, simple, easy to use and has an awesome iPhone app. But I am bored of this blog. That’s just me. I get bored with these techy things very fast. Very fast. I am already bored of my iPhone 4 and it’s only … err … 5 months old. Unfortunately, I don’t have any, even sliiiiiightly better option than this phone. So no choice. But I can explore the web. Make a home on different sites. Wander about. And I am going to do so.

I made this blog when I was lonely. Very lonely. Most of these posts are reminiscent of an October I would rather forget. The title of this post comes from the same time (I had not thought of it when I put up the title) I’m not lonely any more. And this blog has lost it’s purpose. But I don’t want to delete it. Its history that has built up to make the present day. So it shall stay as a link in my new home.

I am currently house-hunting. I will inform you of my whereabouts soon. Till then, take care.

I shall also learn to stop writing as if millions were reading this. But sometimes, delusion is allowed. And I have always loved the limelight.

Zinda rehti hai unki *beep*

This is just something disturbing I noticed while [sleepily] watching Mohabbatein for the 150th time on SetMax/Sony some days ago. I was one of the few people fortunate enough to not have watched it in the theatre and thus, have not developed an intense dislike for it. Watching it in bits and pieces over the years, I still enjoy it whenever it comes on TV.

POINT IN MIND : I have ONLY seen the movie on TV.

This movie has this particular scene showing Shamita Shetty and Uday Chopra kissing, which in my opinion is no kiss, seriously. I have spotted couples more openly intimate in Connaught place/Khan Market, for heaven’s sake. The Censor Board also obviously agrees with me since this movie was given a ‘U’ rating in 2000 [over a decade ago]. Therefore, since 2000, I safely assumed that this particular movie is child-safe. And village safe. And “Indian culture” safe. And most importantly, TV – safe, for how else would I even know of the existence of this kiss? This is the year 2000.

Circa mid-2011, I am jerked out of my sleepy state when I see that the said kiss has been abruptly and rather terribly cut. Censored. Not shown. And it’s glaringly obvious that something has been edited. And that’s the disturbing bit. I am not even going to go into a principled argument on how a ‘U’ movie should be shown without cuts on TV because that is a much larger issue. This is a scene that was shown on TV earlier! So, what was fit for me to see at the age of ten is not fit when I am twenty one. Or rather, what was fit for families and kids in 2000 is suddenly not fit in 2011. Why is television suddenly moving backwards?

If media is a reflection of society, then we are in deep trouble indeed. And maybe I shouldn’t blame the TV channels for the editing since in 2011, all media content needs to be Muthalik/MNS/random moral police – safe as well. People with no work and a hunger for publicity and easy access to it through irresponsible media. Not just these people, many others who have suddenly realised that –

1. there is a way to get famous easily

2. tackling a real issue takes too much hard work and risk

3. its easy to bring up “bhartiya sanskaar” since any argument against that becomes “hurting the sentiment ji”

4. the Government is not going to take any harsh measures since everyone’s opinion must be respected in a democracy [apart from the liberal man’s opinion]

And therefore, while the world moves forward, socially, we move backward. We are slowly and steadily moving backwards to feudalism and the resultant patriarchy. While khap panchayats are an extreme example, editing out a kiss that was shown on TV previously is no less wrong. Or disturbing.

This may sound harsh and unacceptable in a “democracy” but I really think someone needs to take the whip and crack it. Simply turn a deaf ear to protests against ‘obscenity’ since people have no idea what obscenity really means. Get sensible people to censor films and TV, if censorship is deemed so essential. Stop this nonsensical censorship of a kiss – atleast don’t regress from existing standards, please! Let’s please remember, when we should respect ‘everyone’s’ opinion, the opinion of a liberal, open minded , progressive individual has to be respected as well. In conflicting opinions, it’s important to remember that upholding a Muthalik is curbing other freedoms of a lot of people and eventually reducing democracy and freedoms to a sham. We cannot have another MF Hussain. All this dogma and conservatism and theistic upholding of “Indian Culture” is only going to create uncritical, unthinking people who are afraid to challenge even that which instinctively feels wrong. Or a class of people which is indifferent to moral policing. And that will make us vulnerable to being taken over and ruled again. I know I sound very extreme. But one small thing leads to the next and like Ramjas debaters say, it’s a “slippery slope”

There’s so much more I could say. But I’ll leave it for later. Or everything will sound mixed up. Right now, I want that kiss back in Mohabbatein. Not because I enjoy watching it but because Aditya Chopra wanted to show it. And once upon a more sensible time, the censors accepted.